John's Roller Coaster Week

As I mentioned yesterday, this was a roller coaster week for me in my battle with cancer. Tuesday was especially tough. On Tuesday I met with the doctor who will direct the radiology aspect of my treatment. Frankly, I'd rather not mention the man's name because, as far as I'm concerned, he's on thin ice with me and is on probation as my provider. I may have to fire him and find another man or woman: one who fights.
In my opinion (and Karen's), the man's assessment of my chances was unnececessarily harsh. He spoke in terms of stop-loss and of limiting the evitable and growing cognitive deficits and of the waning years. I don't believe he thinks this disease can be defeated. He spoke of me as a victim. I nearly came across his handsome desk and smacked him for that. A VICTIM?! Don't EVER use that term to describe me or anyone fighting this tough opponent. We are only victims if we resign ourselves to be. I am no hero but I will go down fighting to the end. Glioblastoma hasn't defeated me. I am not so certain of my radiologist/oncologist. And this was the initial consultation.
The consultation was the longest, sadest hour of my life beyond compare. The worst part was watching how it tore Karen apart. When it was over I just had to call Martha and cry like a child. What kind of doctor specializes in a desease he doesn't think can be beaten? He should have become a coroner. Karen calls him Dr. Death.
To his credit, the doctor saw what he was doing and apologized for starting off on the wrong foot. He offered to refer me to someone else. No. I want him to tow the line. I may have to teach the man faith in science and the science of faith. Either that or he's history. I, on the other hand, will turn out just fine. I can be angry when I want, can't I? It can be a useful emotion. Just ask Lance Armstrong about that.
On the other hand, there has been much to be optimistic about this week. My network of friends, allies, and family has been stronger and more powerful than ever. Mary Anne's Oncologist friend, Brian, has offered to review my pathology files. Brian is of a newer, fresher school of cancer practice, one in which success is an expection, even for brain cancer patients. How blessed am I that my sister has such a friend as this?
My step-daughter Ashley has given me hours of quality time. We've really enjoyed our time together.
Yes, Karen has fractured her ankle . Karen suffered a hair-line break in a hospital visitor's chair as I slept. Dr. Atwood gave her a cool sports-style cast and proscribed two more weeks of wear (as opposed to just limping around on it). If Karen had sought treatment immediately instead of refusing it for two weeks she'd be further along today.

for all I have to asy for now. I am feeling a little lonely doing all the blogging. If no one else is really interested in pgrticipating with this, my posts will become a good deal less frequent. I appreciate how busy your lives are.